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So I had an interesting dream today.  I can't remember if it was actually at night or in between my alarms dozing from 8:30-9.  ^_^;

I don't remember most of it (as usual) but a couple things stick out in my memory...one in particular.

Basically, I was with a group of people; me, a couple younger kids, a couple adult "chaperone" type people and Zeek...weird right?  I hardly hang out with him.  Did sit with him and Marissa at the parade last weekend, maybe that's why.  So I think we were in some sort of group competition.  It almost felt like some sort of competitive youth group thing but I dunno.  So now comes the weird part...towards the end of my dream, we're all just sitting around talking and Zeek and I are cuddling...like totally comfortable with each other...dating type thing.  Damn, I must be lonely!  Lol

So In other news, I finally have a job!  I was officially hired at Petco yesterday as a part-time grooming assistant.  I have my first shift today so we'll see how it goes.  I'm so excited!  I also had an interview at Family Video yesterday and I'm supposed to get a call today if they decided to have me come in for the next stage of hiring...yes there are three stages...  Yesterday was just basically a "get to know ya" thing with the store manager.  Then if I got chosen, I have to go take a spelling/math/etc test then if I get past that I would talk to the District Manager and he would decide whether or not to hire me.  A lot of effort for a second job but they're really flexible with scheduling so it should be worth it.  Still no word back from the photographer at the Globe Gazette nor has Christie had any more work for me.

So I'm stealing a concept from Larke and using this to keep track of my summer reading.  Love you, Larke!  ^_^

InuBaka 3-8
Fruits Basket 18-19

xxxHolic 1
Vanity Fair
So it's dead week here in the wonderful world of ISU which means my morning class for tomorrow was cancelled.  And because late night musings are my forte, I decided now was a perfect time to stay up late and update my long neglected journal whom no one reads anyway!

A few things have happened recently that make me both happy and sad...

I've always had guy problems...generally just with finding them.  XD

Coming to ISU, I suddenly felt wanted again.  A few guys were interested in me, most of which I didn't like back...but there was one...

So of course, that one screwed me over. 

I've never been that close to a guy before...sure we just made out...but it could've been more...

I wanted him to be more

Then we had one stupid fight and he's given me the silent treatment for over a month.

I mean seriously, who does that?!

Then the one guy from back home I thought really cared about me suddenly just...doesn't. 

I don't know what happened and honestly, it doesn't matter.  It probably wasn't meant to be anyway.  He has some growing up to do and I'm to much of a grown-up for my age already it seems.

And now...there's him...

I finally meet someone decent...someone man enough to tell me how he feels and sensitive enough to understand when I just need to rant.

And he's seven hours away.

The worst part is, I only met him this past weekend...we hung out for a couple days while he was visiting a friend here who's also a friend of mine.

Something just clicked...and I know it sounds stupid...and I know I'm probably just lonely...but it feels different somehow...

He asked me (half jokingly) to come see him over break and, against my best judgement...I want more then anything to do that...

But I know I won't...

And it makes me cry to think I'm so damn logical and so damn lonely...

He says sweet dreams...why does that simple phrase make me melt?

Should it?  Or am I fooling myself again?

I just don't know what to do anymore

I want someone to hold me

I want to be in someone's arms

At least right now...I want to be in HIS arms...


I don’t hardly know you
But I’d be willing to show you
I know a way to make you smile
Let me touch you for a while

~Alison Krauss "Let Me Touch You For A While"
LAN tonight at Paul's!  I had a blast.  I played WoW for a while but I got frustrated with the quest I was on after a few hours and gave up.  >.<;

I occupied my time with various other things then.  Largely, downloading AMVs to watch on the way up to see Larke on Wednesday!

I had pizza, ice cream cake, and bawls.  I'm finding out that maybe wasn't the best combo?  The sugar and caffeine has combined to create a crazy shakiness that has yet to go away.  O.o

But yeah, had a great time hanging out with the guys and Alex, the lone other girl for most of the time.  Hannah and Mary showed up for a while...luckily not for long...

I was the first one there so I got the good spot by Paul.  ^_^

Then I finally beat Paul by watching diggnation before him.  Although partway through, I took out my headphones so he and Moe could listen as well.

So, tomorrow...er...today I guess...is crunchtime for me.  I have to try and get most of my stuff packed and ready since I'm leaving Wednesday to go stay at unistar with Larke overnight.  We're coming back Thursday, and then Friday we leave for the con until Sunday.  I then have Monday to finish getting everything ready to go and I'm off to ISU on Tuesday!


Ima gonna die...

I'm soooo nervous for college...I dunno why...but I am

I know I'll be fine.  I have a great support system both down there and back here.  I'm just going to miss the people back here a lot...I hope they come and visit me like they say...

Paul said he would...I wonder what's going to happen to us...he doesn't seem anywhere near making a move of any sort.  I respect it if he doesn't want something long distance...I just wish I knew if it was that or just general shyness/fear...we'll see what happens at the con.  I hope to God he can find someone to work for him...I'll be so sad if he can't.

Ugh...well...overall it's been a happy day.  Let's hope the whole week ends up that way!
It's going better...

My last post sounded way too emo...

He texted me Good Morning today!

Thus the new happy pinkness.

I really like this one. It's my exact outlook.

Image hosted by<br>Photobucket.com

You are unique, everyone's unique! If you noticed,
the only answer is unique. The point of
this quiz was to show people how you can't
judge based on simple questions such as 'What
is your favorite color?' Because, as everyone
already knows, if you like black that means
your depressed. No, Maybe, I don't know, you
just like the color black? Or how about the
other question 'How many friends do you have?'
Just because you have one friend does not make
you lonely, maybe you like it that way. I do,
and there's nothing wrong with that. Same
apply's for if you have ten friends, that does
not make you sociable. Maybe you are just
naturally a people person, and people come to
you. Maybe a 'friend' is just someone you talk
to everyday, or if you get more in depth with
it, someone you can tell everything to. The
point of this quiz is to show the variables. I
know that for the most part the results are
true, but when I place 'black' down as my
favorite color I already know to expect a
depressing answer in the end. But, I will admit
that I contiue to take these quizzes dispite me
already knowing the outcome. Anyway, thanks for
taking the quiz. Feel free to message if you
have any comments :D And rate honestly please.

What One Word Describes You Best?(Anime Pictures, In-Depth Results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Someone, whos name starts with K, has secret crush
on you!

Who has secret crush on you? (whats his/her name`s first letter)
brought to you by Quizilla


Who do people see you as? *awesome Anime pics and songs inculded with results!*

brought to you by Quizilla

Hey cool! This one has music.

Well that's enough boredness for now I suppose...
Quick post to update my gift list. AFter uch randomness, DDR, and Willy Wonka, I came out of the Canadian Christmas with:
-A squishy penguin with those microbead things and a cute little snowglobe from Larke-san
-Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho Plushie from the game (Jenna brought it)
-Kyo from Fruits Basket Plushie from Jenna (Squee!)
-The first Di Gi Charat manga from Courtney (at Jen's suggestion)
-A doggy flail from Nathan *sweatdrop*

So yeah, we had lots of fun and I saw some people I haven't seen in a while, some I'd rather not see, and many good friends. Yay!
Just an update on everything I've gottne (so far) for Christmas! Mostly so I don't forget.

Dad and Sue got me the two major things on my list:
-Geek Squad Flash Drive with Virus Protection (same as Jenna's) We're trying to make it work right now because I'm not running XP so it's different.
-3.1 Megapixel Digital Camera with 1.5" preview screen. I don't have the right batteries yet so I can't play with it. *sniff*
-A $50 check which unfortunately will have to go towards the Choir trip that I would rather skip but can't.
-My Dad got me these really soft black pants too. They have a cool white sash and rhinestones on the pockets. Very nice.

My old Neighbor Kim:
-A set of beautiful bracelets you can wear seperate or together (I wear them together) with different charms and purle and amber beads.

Various other realtives (mostly on Sue's side) I can't always remember who gave me what...
-Amy, Bruce, Joe, Jackson Iseneker got me the new Avril Lavigne CD and a certificate to order another of my choice online.
-Grandma Judy and Grandpa Chuck got me a cute green outfit that I wore yesterday.
-In my stocking there was various candies including Strawberry Hello Panda and Yan-yan as well as a crystal purse figurine, a white poofy scrubby thing for my face, a pocket calendar since I lost mine and a candy cane pen.
-My new sister Cami made a bunch of herbal things. She might open a shop soon. I got lip gloss, and soap as well as a "coupon" to come down and help her make my own personalized line of facial products and such.
-From Donna, Nadar, Tony, Sierra Bokai I got a beautiful red chinese lantern.
-From Cami all the women got an ornament (it's a tradition) and I got a pretty green angel that says reflection.
-From the gag gift game I actually ended up with bungy cords but Bruce traded a cute soap dish, lotion dispenser set for it. (I also had to get him some punch and a piece of Kringla, lol)
-I stole some pretty oriental wrapping paper off of Luke's Christmas gift to use in pictures eventually.
-I think it was G-ma and G-pa but I'm not sure...I got Trickster's Choice by Tamora Pierce.
-From Cami again I got a big bag of Sesame candy. It was a different taste but it grows on you.
-From Adam I got a cute snowman ornament that says I Love You

From Mom:
-In my stocking there was a little bottle of warm vanilla sugar body wash and some chocolates.
-A $25 Hy-Vee card (for gas)
-A $25 JcPenneys card

Yeah...that was all from her. I realized that she was pissed but this is just mean. And it's not that I didn't get much, I'm fine with that. It's just that she so blatantly didn't care. I'm guessing she ran out and grabbed a couple things when she realized I was going to be there. (She didn't expect me to come) And she always hated getting giftcards because they were too impersonal...I guess you get the picture. Oh yeah, I did get one other thing...three more boxes of my stuff and the knowledge that my Grand Champions (horses I've collected for about ten years) had dissapeared and she wasn't giving them back. Nice, huh? I had stayed Christmas Eve Night there but I left as soon as they went to brunch with Gary's family the next morning because I couldn't stand it anymore. I had figured it would be this way but geez!

Anyway, other then that I had a really nice Christmas. When I came back to Dad's Christmas morning I cried on Cami and Suzy's shoulders for a while becasue it upset me so much and then we ate a nice homemade breakfast of french toast and bacon and hung out and played poker. I wish Cami and Greg hadn't had to leave already, we're going to try and go visit them sometime during break. Then we went to G-Pa, Gma's in Charles City and had a nice dinner, played cards, etc. We even got to go on a sleigh ride and I gto to drive the draft horses! It was harder then it looked but still pretty cool. So the good kinda outweighed the bad. And I still have the Canadian Christmas tomorrow! I feel like taking quizzes so I might post some later. Until then, Merry Christmas!
It's been forever since I've written! Just had al ittle down time for once waiting for peoples to come for Christmas Eve so I thought I'd stick in an update. I might work on my profile here in a bit too.

Well, yesterday Cami and Greg got here and stopped by with bag upon bags of stuff for Sue and I...mostly me. Lots of makeup and lotions and things. A nice line of Dove facewashy stuff that I used today too and it doesn't irritate my face! *gasp* So I finally got down to business and organized my bathroom today. Stuff's basically been thrown in drawers since we moved and now it's all pretty. And I have a ton of lipsticks/glosses now as well as enough lotion to drown a horse. She brought a couple neat perfumes too. I'm wearing Chupa Chups right now and there was one called Sunflower also. Needless to say, I actually really got down to business and did my makeup today. I haven't really felt like putting in the effort in a long time. It looks really nice.

I'm working on a scarf now that I'm trying to have done for tomorrow. I'm probably about a third of the way done. It's a white, black, and green one (Outlaws Hockey colors) for Marissa to give to her mom. I told her I couldn't guarantee it would be done but I'm going to work on it while we open presents and such so I might have a chance.

My Dad already filled the stockings and guess what I saw peeking out of the top...Hello Panda and Yan-Yan! Yummy...I can't wait to open presents. But then tonight I have to go back to Mom's. I promised Adam I would stay the night so I could be there Christmas Morning with him. I'll probably leave later that morning though because they're going to Gary's folk's and my Grandma will be there who I'm pretty sure hates me. And considering the way Mom's been acting since I moved out, she's not to thrilled with me either. She brought two boxes of my stuff over and she barely even acknowledges my existance. She called the HOME PHONE the other day which means she's really pissed at me because that's the only thing that would make her risk talking to Dad. Then she asked Adam if he was in the Christmas Program so she knew whether to go or not. She knows I'm in the program every year as a Santa Lucia girl but she didn't care. I knew this would happen but at the same time it hurts that she's basically shutting me out as a "traitor" the same way she did her brother and pretty much the rest of her family. It's sad really...

I have to get plugging on my Photography homework too so I can drop it off at Mrs. Kostka's later in the break. I have 5 articles to write and a digital self-portrait. None of which are hard they're just tedious and annoying...at least the articles are anyway.

Well, I better go make myself usefull or at least change my profile. Merry Christmas!
Just couldn't stop taking quizzes!

You are the angel of Hope.
You never give up in whatever you do, and your
always hoping that things turn out better than
they do. You are very loyal to your friends,
and support them greatly. Sometimes your a
little shy, but you quickly get over that.

What Kind of Angel Do You Represent? (Awesome Pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Image hosted by<br>Photobucket.com

Girl Name:
Lady Lilith

Guy Name: Darth

*One day, you will rule the

You are quick to point out
someone's mistakes. You yend to hold grugdes
longer than most people but forgive people who
deserve death.

I like that name...Lady Lilith...

Your soul is bound to the Rose Bud: The

"I keep all of my secrets somewhere inside
and though I haven't let myself shine to the
world, I'm good for something but too good to
give to you."

The Rose Bud is associated with innocence,
curiosity, and confidence. It is governed by
the god Cupid and its sign is The Dewdrop, or
Puppy Love.

As a Rose Bud, you may have grand ideas about love
and you may well be inexperienced. You tend to
be optomistic, idealistic, and curious, but
it's just because you like being a positive
person. You also may have high thoughts of
yourself, and can come off a bit conceited, but
it's just a mask to hide your lack of

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Angel is calm. Not careing about the world
around her.Cluless to the evil in the night and
only thinks about her self. WING TIPE=thin and
wide ELEMENT=earth ANIMAL=horse Color=yellow

What kind of Angel is inside of your heart ( awesome pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your anime hair color is green.

Kinda sorta fun day today. Got woken up after having two major dreams which is really wierd for me.

The first one I don't remember much about. All I know is Brandon and I killed someone. I don't know why but I got the feeling that it was sorta justified even though I was scared to death of getting caught. Listen to "Earl Had to Die" by the Dxiie Chicks if you don't get what I mean. Anyway, we buried the guy (I think it was a guy) in a garage. There was a dirt floor and I think it was supposed to be my house but I didn't recognize it. The whole time it was really dark and gloomy with this really foreboding atmosphere like any minute we could get caught. My mom came home at one point and started noticing odd things out of place but I just brushed it off. At this point I was scared to death and I think Brandon had run off or something. Figures... ;-) After that I think I woke up. That was around 6am and then I fell asleep again and had another one.

This was one of my infamous tornado dreams. I genrally have around one a month but they're always different and always really wierd. Once the tornado was frozen in place. Once I slid down into a basement but my friend got left behind and dolls started attacking me and stuff. o.O This one was different though because of the fact that it felt completely real the other dream felt like that too. There wasen't anything really wierd like the others that made it stand out at the time. I didn't really realize until I woke up that I had two extra siblings but that's beside the point. XP Anyway, I was helping with a garage sale and it was at Dad's house but it was again a house I didn't recognize. I'm pretty sure it's the same one from the first dream. It was getting kinda dark again and all of a sudden I had this bad feeling and I KNEW a tornado was coming. It wasn't raining or anything, I just had that feeling. Almost a premonition of sorts. Anyway, I looked on the other side of the house and there were like three about to touch down. I tried to alert the people at the garage sale (there were a lot) but they just ignored me. Dad and Sue came inside and we woke up Adam and the two extra siblings (both younger girls) I don't know why they were sleeping. Maybe it was still early morning. It took a while to wake them and by the time we did, the tornado was a at our house (there was only one now) We ran downstairs and stayed there for a while. When we came back up our house was fine but I went across the street to some car dealership that was there. (I haden't noticed it before) A lot of the cars looked crunched and there was a bunch of people looking at them in awe. The cars seemed the only things in the area that were damaged and I could til see the tornado veering around in the distance. That was another wierd thing, it didn't go in a straight line, i kindof selectively moved around... I got down on my knees to look at something and ended up on a piece of broken glass. I kinda jumped up like "Whoa that was stupid it could've hurt" but it didn't. Then I got woke up to go garage saling... -.-

Soooo...then we went to garage sales like almost every Saturday morning in the summer at Mom's... Adam was a royal pain in the ass the whole time and ended up getting condemned to sit in the van the whole time. I can some nifty stuffs though. I got two cute puppy beanie babies (yes I still kinda-sorta collect them, an adorable hello kitty bobbly thing for my car (she has a pink furry coat on and is holding a baby arctic seal! ^.^), four cool looking book (although one is a sequel come to find out so I don't know if I want to read it yet XD), a bunch of neopets cards which I had to share with Adam, a crapload of music books for the piano including a song by alanis morisette (whooooo!), and a pink fluffy puppy stuffed animal because it was just to cute to resist. I think that's it. Wow, that list shows you what a big wierdo I am... o.O

Then we went to Decker's because there was free pizza. It was tres yum even though I had to have sausage which is generally yucky in my book. Darn peoples had no cheese. And I got an adorable mini-bottle of Mountain Dew! Then I got some stuff from the tent sale which -amazingly- my mom payed for most of! I got two pairs of what I've dubbed "butt shorts." Some pink ones that say Iowa on the butt and some Black ones that say Mason City. And I finally finally finally got a nice comfy hoody! I've never had a good one so now I have a mohawk one. We were in line and I realized that I was getting the shorts mostly for gym class which I had forgotten I no longer have! (Whoooooo!) Silly me. I still got them though becaus I've wanted some cute too-lazy-take-the-effort-to-dress-myself-today shorts. XD Sooooo...that's about it. Oh yeah! I got a destiny's child CD too. ^.^